He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
