i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize