Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
