Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize