yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize