Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
