Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
