my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize