He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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