Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
