opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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