I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
