he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
