Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
