My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize