Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
