no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
