You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
