I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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