I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
