RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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