I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
