I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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