people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
