Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
