you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
