Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
