stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
