I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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