last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
