Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
