I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
