how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
