There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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