Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize