WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
