He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
