Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
