I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize