grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize