using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
