That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
