I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize