she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
