She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
