I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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