we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
