wanna go halves on a baby?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
