sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
