I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
