there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
