rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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