I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
