Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
