im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
