i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
