No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
