remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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