k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Are we still banned from the library?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize