so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
