hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
