you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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