I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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