If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
