woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
