So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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