i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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