I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
