Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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